Wait what?

I have missed myself. It ´s been 2 long. Let´s say I´ve been asleep. Asleep/deadn´gone. Just around the corner. You can find me elsewhere.

Anyways kids. A boy. There is a boy. Breathing so fast every time. So fast. Perhaps he´s scared. I hope so. He should be. He is getting close. I have a t-t-tendency to run. I´ll let you know. I´ll even show you.
Ssswedish

weddings

A boy told me yesterday I looked like Marie Antoinette on blow. When I pointed out that I had been drinking wine and done a lot of opium that night he corrected himself and told me I was just like M. I do feel a bit beheaded right now I must say - well deserved.

listen

It seems maybe you don´t understand me. I´m not afraid of love, I just don´t wan´t it.

I´m not a girlfriend.

I sometimes don´t sleep in my own bed 4 a week and I don´t want anyone at home who makes me feel guilty over that. I don´t need a boy. I need boys. Reöationships does not work.

excuse my spelling I´ve had a Jack.

f it

"I love you"

How can any boy in any way destry a relationship faster than saying the 3 words?
I push him off me and tumble out the door. Never mind my shoes or my phone. It`s dangerous back there, cant return. He is dangerous hazard.

You don´t love me- u love the thought of me in your old clothes smoking in the window. Love the thought of maybe you are the boy who can fix me. Make me eat. Make me convinced wine is not breakfast. You won´t be able 2. I won´t sit in your window like a girl in a movie. I will jump.

My legs feel broken and I can´t stand up no matter how hard I try. 4 some reason, as Jason and I was on our way out, he thought it was a good idea 4 me 2 drive. I don´t drive. One thing 2 another= I hit a bunny. I hit a fuckin bunny with my car. In anger I decided 2 walk home, mad at every automobile on this planet. Ergo My lags can´t keep me up, and my heart can´t stop aching.

bare with me I´m tired.

Vegas baby

I feel like taking a roadtrip. Top down, Journey from the speakers, denim shorts and raybans. Where do I go? Vegas perhaps.

I slept with a certain E.Hirsch last time I was there. Haha, I remember sitting on his back looking down on it, and how I put a needle through his shoulder just 2 see how he would react. He reacts by bleeding and getting mad I tell u.

Dark Was the night.

Drinking wine in a black dress feels so much more justified than anything else. Cheap wine in jeans makes me want to puke. Expensive wine wearing nothing makes me melancholic. Plum wine in a black dress makes me feel like Anaïs Nin. Givenchy silc and McQueen skull. Ryan, Nick and Signe here in person. Belle and Miri here in spirit. A good hour.

wasn´t even good.

I´ve done a lot of things that i have regretted afterwards. When the bumb in ur head hurts and the bumb on your belly hurts even more.

But then there are these things that I regret while doing them.
"Why don´t I just stop now and save myself the shame?"
But I move in closer and I breathe heavier.
"I´ll deal with the shame tomorrow. I don´t have anything else planned anyways."
Might as well fill the day with something. Fill it with questions why.

So. 4 you all. My tat.

INK

I´m lost without darkblue and lightblue. Ask me what I did 2day.

- what did u do 2day.
- i got a tattooooo

I´ll show you later when it´s not a black nasty gue on me. Now 4 an hour of sleep. I can´t sleep at night. Why oh why do the builders use the hammer all night long?

3rd grade religion. God is three.

The Father***The son***The holy Spirit.

How can that be. I remember I was very confused. Either u have long hair or u have short hair. It´s not that hard. You know what you are and what you like and that´s you.

Now, a few years later I get it. I´m not sure I believe in the bible god, but I´m sure I understand the philosophical way of looking at it. You are you. And then there is the one you would wish you could be. Still you, but skinnier, braver, smarter. U know. And then there is your ideal you. If you´re tall this ideal is often short. If you´re pale she is dark and if you´re shy she´s a stripper. We are all three. I spill myself out in this blog, leaving myself as wine stains on your carpets. My two moleskins are where I spill my other selves.

-Oh, moleskins, how hipster.
-Yes, moleskins.

And now I have lost them. It leaves a more thoughtful Sara 4 you to bare with until I can spill those merlots where they belong.

Challenge.

One post a day starting now.

I have been having such a low 4 a few weeks. Less days outside. Less sun, more snow.
Let´s start fresh.

Blackout

It´s so much easier not 2 blog than it is 2 blog sometimes.
I´m spending my nights out and my days passed out. I miss Belle so much it hurts.
friggin paris.

morninevenin

I didn´t sleep at home yesterday, and when I woke up my clothes were nowhere 2 be seen. Therefore yesterday I went out wearing nothing but my jacket. Nippleflash then and now when the wind grabbed the fabric. Then when I was paying 4 my conditionerandcoffeandbreadandanorange the boy in the register told me i looked i-D. I don´t know whether to laugh or cry.

Kick me hit mE

Ryan and I have been spending some quality time. He isn´t really comfortable with spending time with me after I kinda left him for new york a while back.

This is 4 all boys out there;
kick me in the stomach when I steel your chips. punch me in the head if I´m better than you at fifa. Please don´t tip on your toes cause I´m a girl. I hate it.

agreed?

onehundred etthundra

What is this? Post 100. Oh my.

Gratulerar Sara. Tack så mycket:)

Imma leave u for the weekend. Then I´ll come back. And love you all more then ever before.

rory come home

Im off 2 dinner. Ryry, Nick and hopefully Belle.
I am really missing Rory. And also, I´m thinking about college. What do you think? I would like 2 go 2 school and learn filmmaking and everything around it. Do any of you know any good schools for this? Location is not a problem. I´m so far from home anyways, a few miles here or there makes no difference. Please help.

sweden

Feeling sorry 4 myself I just took the longest bath. Hour after hour.

I took the time 2 call some swedes at home, boys and girls I haven´t talked 2 for a very long time since I´m not really the facebooker I could be, and u know what I realized? How glad I am that I left. S is still dating the boy from 8th grade though they apparently brakes up a few times a month, L was supah-exited since she finally moved 2 her own place, age 23, and F works with cars(?). What? What´s up with everybody?

Here I am, sick as a dog in my bathtub with wrinkly fingertips and all the bubbles gone. Working for Flora serving coffee, missing Rory every day, fucking different boys every weekend and hitting my head on the ceilings of underground clubs. And still, still I feel like the biggest succes in the world when I realize what I left behind.

i must quit you

My hair is a birds nest on my head and I haven´t worn clothes in forever.
That´s what it´s like havin´the flue. The damn flue.

only in the night

last night I spent with belle, ryan and nick. and anyone else who happened to be in my way. this is one sec before hitting my head on that ridiculously low ceiling.