Dark Was the night.

Drinking wine in a black dress feels so much more justified than anything else. Cheap wine in jeans makes me want to puke. Expensive wine wearing nothing makes me melancholic. Plum wine in a black dress makes me feel like Anaïs Nin. Givenchy silc and McQueen skull. Ryan, Nick and Signe here in person. Belle and Miri here in spirit. A good hour.

Kick me hit mE

Ryan and I have been spending some quality time. He isn´t really comfortable with spending time with me after I kinda left him for new york a while back.

This is 4 all boys out there;
kick me in the stomach when I steel your chips. punch me in the head if I´m better than you at fifa. Please don´t tip on your toes cause I´m a girl. I hate it.

agreed?

rory come home

Im off 2 dinner. Ryry, Nick and hopefully Belle.
I am really missing Rory. And also, I´m thinking about college. What do you think? I would like 2 go 2 school and learn filmmaking and everything around it. Do any of you know any good schools for this? Location is not a problem. I´m so far from home anyways, a few miles here or there makes no difference. Please help.

only in the night

last night I spent with belle, ryan and nick. and anyone else who happened to be in my way. this is one sec before hitting my head on that ridiculously low ceiling.

What?

I´m going to take a short one to Las Vegas over the weekend. With Ryan.

Don´t ask...

Honey I`m home

I´m on my way home. Or home? I don´t know. I´m on my way back though. Back to LA. To Nick, to Ry and Miri. To my alphabet; R, D, L. Back to all my loved ones, and all my lovers, and still I´m not feeling as this is home. I have not told Mr and Mrs why I went to NY. I´m not sure I ever will if I don´t take the job. Ah if I dont take the job. Why the hell not? I would be stupid. But still.

NY has been so kind to me. BB has shown me all the secret places of hers. Small parks, the best pizza, the best vintage stores. Last night I BB fixed me a party. I argued it was to long untill Halloween, but she did not care. 20 pizzas from grimaldis, around 70 people in a three bedroom apartment. Ah BB...I love you.

I love it here, LA that is, but NY treats me like a want it to. La does not. I´m not even a car person, what the hell am I doing here? All I know is that I´m on my way back, and Ry will meet me up as soon as possible. He wants to talk. I´m not exited. I just want my Mirage, a bottle and the jaccuzzi to ourselves.

Ry stop it...

If you did not catch it in this post, or if you did not even try to, or if you did not read the post, I can tell you this;
Ryan has gone and convinced himself that he is in love with me. I know he is not, but this is getting to be more complicated then I imagined. He is so confused and I´m getting tired of it. Boys are not attractive when they show emotion.
I´m in love with Chuck Bass. But then who isn´t.

mirage

I love my mirage. Thats just what she is. A mirage from an older time.

No, not an older time actually, more like a time that never really existed, and never will. She´s a beauty. You all should read what she has to tell you.

It felt good to spend the night with someone...someone...well someone not Nick or Ry. It actually did.

Ryan is a poet indeed

Ryan after a few minutes of me talking about Nick:

Ry: Do you know those see-through squiggly worms you have on your eyeballs?
Me: I do.
Ry: You are one of those worms.
Me: Oh... And how is that?
Ry: They are always there, though I can only see them when I close my eyelids, and when I try to focus on it, and look straight at it, it floats away. You S, you are only here in the middle of the night when I close my eyes and you want to fck, and then when it´s morning again, and I want to look straight at you, you float away.

silence.

Me: Have you thought about that for long?
Ry: I have, yes.
Me: And where did you get the idea?
Ry: Family guy.
Me: Family guy?
Ry: Family guy...

I think I need to spend some more time with Ry to butch him up a bit. He is going all girl on me.