Wait what?

I have missed myself. It ´s been 2 long. Let´s say I´ve been asleep. Asleep/deadn´gone. Just around the corner. You can find me elsewhere.

Anyways kids. A boy. There is a boy. Breathing so fast every time. So fast. Perhaps he´s scared. I hope so. He should be. He is getting close. I have a t-t-tendency to run. I´ll let you know. I´ll even show you.
Ssswedish

weddings

A boy told me yesterday I looked like Marie Antoinette on blow. When I pointed out that I had been drinking wine and done a lot of opium that night he corrected himself and told me I was just like M. I do feel a bit beheaded right now I must say - well deserved.

listen

It seems maybe you don´t understand me. I´m not afraid of love, I just don´t wan´t it.

I´m not a girlfriend.

I sometimes don´t sleep in my own bed 4 a week and I don´t want anyone at home who makes me feel guilty over that. I don´t need a boy. I need boys. Reöationships does not work.

excuse my spelling I´ve had a Jack.

f it

"I love you"

How can any boy in any way destry a relationship faster than saying the 3 words?
I push him off me and tumble out the door. Never mind my shoes or my phone. It`s dangerous back there, cant return. He is dangerous hazard.

You don´t love me- u love the thought of me in your old clothes smoking in the window. Love the thought of maybe you are the boy who can fix me. Make me eat. Make me convinced wine is not breakfast. You won´t be able 2. I won´t sit in your window like a girl in a movie. I will jump.

My legs feel broken and I can´t stand up no matter how hard I try. 4 some reason, as Jason and I was on our way out, he thought it was a good idea 4 me 2 drive. I don´t drive. One thing 2 another= I hit a bunny. I hit a fuckin bunny with my car. In anger I decided 2 walk home, mad at every automobile on this planet. Ergo My lags can´t keep me up, and my heart can´t stop aching.

bare with me I´m tired.

Vegas baby

I feel like taking a roadtrip. Top down, Journey from the speakers, denim shorts and raybans. Where do I go? Vegas perhaps.

I slept with a certain E.Hirsch last time I was there. Haha, I remember sitting on his back looking down on it, and how I put a needle through his shoulder just 2 see how he would react. He reacts by bleeding and getting mad I tell u.

Dark Was the night.

Drinking wine in a black dress feels so much more justified than anything else. Cheap wine in jeans makes me want to puke. Expensive wine wearing nothing makes me melancholic. Plum wine in a black dress makes me feel like Anaïs Nin. Givenchy silc and McQueen skull. Ryan, Nick and Signe here in person. Belle and Miri here in spirit. A good hour.

wasn´t even good.

I´ve done a lot of things that i have regretted afterwards. When the bumb in ur head hurts and the bumb on your belly hurts even more.

But then there are these things that I regret while doing them.
"Why don´t I just stop now and save myself the shame?"
But I move in closer and I breathe heavier.
"I´ll deal with the shame tomorrow. I don´t have anything else planned anyways."
Might as well fill the day with something. Fill it with questions why.

So. 4 you all. My tat.

INK

I´m lost without darkblue and lightblue. Ask me what I did 2day.

- what did u do 2day.
- i got a tattooooo

I´ll show you later when it´s not a black nasty gue on me. Now 4 an hour of sleep. I can´t sleep at night. Why oh why do the builders use the hammer all night long?

3rd grade religion. God is three.

The Father***The son***The holy Spirit.

How can that be. I remember I was very confused. Either u have long hair or u have short hair. It´s not that hard. You know what you are and what you like and that´s you.

Now, a few years later I get it. I´m not sure I believe in the bible god, but I´m sure I understand the philosophical way of looking at it. You are you. And then there is the one you would wish you could be. Still you, but skinnier, braver, smarter. U know. And then there is your ideal you. If you´re tall this ideal is often short. If you´re pale she is dark and if you´re shy she´s a stripper. We are all three. I spill myself out in this blog, leaving myself as wine stains on your carpets. My two moleskins are where I spill my other selves.

-Oh, moleskins, how hipster.
-Yes, moleskins.

And now I have lost them. It leaves a more thoughtful Sara 4 you to bare with until I can spill those merlots where they belong.

Challenge.

One post a day starting now.

I have been having such a low 4 a few weeks. Less days outside. Less sun, more snow.
Let´s start fresh.

Blackout

It´s so much easier not 2 blog than it is 2 blog sometimes.
I´m spending my nights out and my days passed out. I miss Belle so much it hurts.
friggin paris.

morninevenin

I didn´t sleep at home yesterday, and when I woke up my clothes were nowhere 2 be seen. Therefore yesterday I went out wearing nothing but my jacket. Nippleflash then and now when the wind grabbed the fabric. Then when I was paying 4 my conditionerandcoffeandbreadandanorange the boy in the register told me i looked i-D. I don´t know whether to laugh or cry.

Kick me hit mE

Ryan and I have been spending some quality time. He isn´t really comfortable with spending time with me after I kinda left him for new york a while back.

This is 4 all boys out there;
kick me in the stomach when I steel your chips. punch me in the head if I´m better than you at fifa. Please don´t tip on your toes cause I´m a girl. I hate it.

agreed?

onehundred etthundra

What is this? Post 100. Oh my.

Gratulerar Sara. Tack så mycket:)

Imma leave u for the weekend. Then I´ll come back. And love you all more then ever before.

rory come home

Im off 2 dinner. Ryry, Nick and hopefully Belle.
I am really missing Rory. And also, I´m thinking about college. What do you think? I would like 2 go 2 school and learn filmmaking and everything around it. Do any of you know any good schools for this? Location is not a problem. I´m so far from home anyways, a few miles here or there makes no difference. Please help.

sweden

Feeling sorry 4 myself I just took the longest bath. Hour after hour.

I took the time 2 call some swedes at home, boys and girls I haven´t talked 2 for a very long time since I´m not really the facebooker I could be, and u know what I realized? How glad I am that I left. S is still dating the boy from 8th grade though they apparently brakes up a few times a month, L was supah-exited since she finally moved 2 her own place, age 23, and F works with cars(?). What? What´s up with everybody?

Here I am, sick as a dog in my bathtub with wrinkly fingertips and all the bubbles gone. Working for Flora serving coffee, missing Rory every day, fucking different boys every weekend and hitting my head on the ceilings of underground clubs. And still, still I feel like the biggest succes in the world when I realize what I left behind.

i must quit you

My hair is a birds nest on my head and I haven´t worn clothes in forever.
That´s what it´s like havin´the flue. The damn flue.

only in the night

last night I spent with belle, ryan and nick. and anyone else who happened to be in my way. this is one sec before hitting my head on that ridiculously low ceiling.

worried

u know what bothers me? Jackson. Not Jackson as a person, but how he´s acting.

Like how he starts breathing irregularly when I hug him or how he gets all nervous like he´s not sure where he´s allowed 2 put his hands on me. He used to be cool with assgrabbing me quickly if I stood in the way, and kicking me in the stomach when I messed up at GTA, but now he´s all careful and polite. It bothers me.

escape.

You know that certain type of boy; every time you meet, you sleep together.

I understand you call them fuck buddies? Or friends with benefits? I think thats kinda misleading.
I would never call them friends.

Anyways. I met Nick last night. He makes the worst noises.

Joe Le taxi

alla kära.
I´m tippin´ on my toes to avoid a moody Aurora trying my very best not 2 give her any reason to run off. I like having her here. I´m thinking about going over to Miri, just 2 check that her wine consumption is in some sort of reasonable amount. She´s been in the fog for a tad too long now.

Tomorrow is Jacksonday.

Jackson is a pretty boy, non? I´m a girl, oui? Hmmm. Nah I should not.

p ad

Name; Jackson
Age; 19
Skill; Grand Theft Auto
Needs; a shag

Could any of my girls please mount Jackson.
I can´t take him dry humping me any more.

love by aurora.

As I said, things can´t be unseen.

People always call Rory a doll, but looks can be deceiving darlings.

You all know I´m not a timid gurl. I´ll try everything once. But when I tumble around trying 2 find the coffee shop keys, and open the door to nipples and skin and a naked man that I (until just recently) only knew by name from mouning dreams of Aurora´s. That´s when it feels better 2 just tumble back out.

one

Kinda not sure if it´s late or early. Am I very very late 4 work or should I go back 2 sleep? The contractor is changing my windows so there is cardboard covering the empty holes in the walls, making it even harder for hung-over-me 2 tell time. Aurora is sneaking round. I like having her here. She´s like a cat. Quiet and keeps 2 herself. But then occationally she cuddles up close and purrs(gives me a glass of wine and mumbles 2 the tv.) She´s good company.

Good gorgeous company.

partynight

That was one hell of a party.

A few hundred yards under the W in the Hollywood sign. One bottle of Jack 4 everyone. All dressed up like crazy we forced the poor tourists 2 take pictures with us. Signe and I sang old swedish songs and Belle made out with some twenty boys only on the way there. Miri wasn´t 2 bad herself. I can´t recall if there was some sort of competition?

R came. Tried 2 get in some fight with Avy and I. Didn´t succeed and after a light push from Avy he tumbled down the hills.

It wasn´t 2 long be4 shirts came off and kisses came from everywhere. Not 2 be rude but I´m pretty sure Belle went home with Jackson. Just sayin.

It became sort of an apartment-warming 2. I got the place I wanted. Yey:) Two bedrooms, kitchen and a roommate? I can hear voices from the other room right now but I´m not sure I want 2 open and look. I know her better than that. Things can´t be unseen.

Thank u all 4 one of the best B-days ever.

ps. Kim and Signe, what was that!? ds.

Alexanders legacy

B-daygift from belle. <3

sweet twenty

b-day preppin´

Call in the morning?

I put down an offer on a place just now. Fingers x-ed.
I´m having such a Kanye West day.

Jag kommer se tillbaka på desså år med sån ånger.

Yey. Appartmenthunting is fun. Jackson followed me round all day. (He looks good dear female friends. Very good) I have calculated my savings and looked at a few places I could afford. Looks good this far. My goal is 2 find one be4 my birthday, but I´ll se how that goes. Most importanly I´ll find a place I like.

Btw. Most amazing news ever; Belle is moving here. I would have never thought she would fall for LA, she´s very very london, but here she is. Amazing.

Can you tell? Another day where I´m disturbingly happy. What´s up with me?:)

ompalompa

Lovelys. How are u?

I have been working. Coffeeshoppin´ all day long every day. Nah you all know this is LA, no one orders coffee. Smoothiemakin´all day long? Now imma go look at an apartment. Wish me luck and have a wonderful day :)

i am 19 goin on 20

godkväll.

It´s like, what, a week 2 my b-day? Things are all good with Avy now and I have lovely Belle with me for a few more days. Things are good 2 me. This weekend we will all dance in snow my friends. Who´s with me? Jackson is, Luke is, Avy is,Ryan is, Signe is, BB is, Kim is, Miri is, Nick is, Aurora is, Wynona is. I could go on, I´m a lucky gurl u see, but ill leave it there.

All I really wanted 2 say is I feel really happy 2day. And that, 4 my party, I´ll dress up like this girl.

doppelw

Bells is going home soon she says. She won´t be here for my birthday.
So, instead, we went out 2day to find a location for it. Since I, at the moment, am a couch crasher without a place to have some sort of fiesta, we went hunting.

First stop, the liquor store.
Belle wanted plum wine. She goes nowhere without her plum wine she says.
Second stop, the hollywood sign.
2 get a good view u know. It´s a restricted area and whatnow now, so sad.

A few hundred yards below the W we parked our butts and watched the city turning dark. Day became night and we started to feel like this isn´t so bad after all. Quite all right. And just like that we had our place.

Now all I have 2 do is get the troops together.

In a hurry

U know what i just realized? In a few little days I´m turning 20.

That´s so old.

If I´m going 2 go down in history I have only 4 years until I´ll have to commit suicide.
But maybe I need 2 do something memorable first?

Bffs.

Signe went to Avys house 2day with a box of sweets from the coffee shop earlier. I really wanted to follow but I don´t know if that would have been the best idea. R is gone btw. This all turned out like shit.

I think I´ll go over 2 Jackson. He doesn´t even know I´m back. I miss him. The world has 2 few people who´s as uncomplicated and down-to-earth as he is. No drama. Just friendship.

Tell me. Who´s your best friend. And why?

Bloody beetroot

Tomorrow I think I´m gonna go look 4 a place of my own. I don´t know if it´s loyalty 2 Avy or if she is still mourning Alexander, but Miri has been quite grumpy lately. Almost never present actually. I miss her.

Ignoring the other things going on right now, things feel almost good. Coachella is coming up, and that will be amazing as always. Summer might not be the happening here that it is in the countries covered in snow 2/3 of the year, but summer is still summer. After Coachella though, my pages are almost blank. What are u all doin this summer? I need inspiration.

Love the arts.

This makes me happy.

on paper street

Now, when everything is upside down, and I can´t really meet my friends eyes without wondering who thinks I´m an idiot, where do I look for comfort? R. I know his name now. If that can be considered progress I´m not even sure. I should have said goodbye the minute I found out. He will be R to you all. And he is probably the last one I should turn to.

I keep thinking of the time at the party when Miri kissed Avy. Now that she reminded me, he did look awfully pale. I can´t help but wondering if I´m just some form of revenge. I really don´t know what to do. I barely know him and he already has some kind of hold on me. I feel I have no one to turn 2 since I´m what you would call the bad guy in this. I would turn 2 Miri, since her philosophy goes something like;

-Does he have good hair?
-He does.
-Does he wear sneakers?
-He does not.
Does he smoke?
-He does.
-Then what is the question meine liebe?
But I´m not sure she will be on my side this time.
Last day of work this week. Then a weekend to fill.

oh shit

Damn it. I think B-actor really was a B-oyfriend.

4 in the morning he randomly passed by M´s house and threw pebbles on my window. I stole a kiss from him. Stood five inches from his face and thought "damn it where do I know you from?". Then it hit me.

And the worst thing; I´m not ready 2 let go of him, even when I have learned he belongs 2 a friend.

paul? eddie? frank?

B-actor boy came by the shop earlier and invited me out for a smoke. We discussed all things of no importance there is. He´s the type of boy I really can´t help falling for, even though I understand I´m only one of so many in his life.

But here is the thing; "Adios Sarah" he threw at me when he was leaving, and I responded with a "Bye......eh....bye!". I have forgotten 2 ask his name guys! And it´s 2 far in now, it would just be weird to ask him. Quite the problem. Signe has started a giant google-investigation 2 find him. No progress so far, but she is damn determent.

So, what are your plans 4 the day friends? Noting or everything? Either way I hope u have the best one:)

Love Sjo

boys and work, boys and work

First day of the job a boy walked in to the shop. I think I recognize him but I can´t place him, like so many of the B-celebs round here. Anyways, he left his phone number on a napkin on his table, like in one of the bad movies he possibly stars in, and we have been texting ever since. He such a charming boy u see. One of them you will fall 4 over and over. Like Agyness Deyn.

I´m off 2 work now. I´m really enjoying it. Long coffee brakes sitting next to Signe on the curb with a smoke in the hand, rating guys passing by on a 1-10 scale and looking for some blond woman she is determent to find. Have a lovely day all.

Be/spe-lled

m and random gurl at the russian party.

Some of u asked me where I live right now. Well, since I came back I´ve been living here and there, wherever and with whom ever let´s me in. Mostly at Miri´s place. Now you know.

Back when I was 13 I spent the summer in London. Dad worked, and I spent the days running the streets, smoking cigarettes for the first time and learning english; with Belle. She taught me how to kiss a boy, how to get free beer from the drunk men at the pubs, and how to get a free ride from the cabdrivers late at night. Belle is here now, in LA 2 visit her father, and I´m going 2 meet up with her today. I´m almost nervous.

working gurl

I got flowers 2day. Ignoring the fact that the person who sent them obviously didn´t pay much attention 2 the date, it was nice. I forgive, we are all in some kind of LA-fog here, where days and weeks all turn in 2 one long night. So thank you mysterious flowerperson.

And also!
I have a job now. Thank heavens 4 Signe and Flora, a 9 to 5 at a coffee shop and I couldn´t be happier. Like Signe said; we all must have anecdotes from when we worked at a coffee place later when we are famous. It´s nice 2 have someone to talk swedish 2 as well. Tack kära Signe, and thank you all with thumbs held.

belled

Miri and I are trying 2 reach Belle, who should land at LAX any minute now. Miri is walking around "saluting the dead" in all the McQueen clothes she owns. Her first, His last. And I, I might have a job by the end of the day. Fingers crossed.

happyland

If u have any thumbs over, please hold them for me. Today is official jobhuntingday and I need all the help I can get.

Jeans for the first time in years.

Blue

I´m in desperate need of a job. My days and nights are floating together in a blur and I see less of Miri then I would have wished. Fill my days please.

Signe though she could get me a job at the coffeshop but that no sure thing. I´m feeling a bit low right now. I do blogdesigns and banners and such if you want to keep me occupied.

For free. Feel free 2 ask.

I think I saw Jackson yesterday btw. I hope.

Love SJo

Late night thoughts.

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship.

That´s what wikipedia tells me. I was talking to M about marriage and such. 2 her it´s the most non romantic thing there could ever be. She says it destroys her every chance of running away with a french man (in her mind, that is the definition of romance.)

I´m not sure yet. Speaking of marriage I slept with Spencer Pratt once. Before he had H. I don´t know why she´s so crazy bananas into him. He´s not that big of a deal I tell u. Neither way.

Whats marriage to you?

Avy

I´m home. Tillbaks där jag hör hemma.

Miri met me at LAX.
Not lying Miri, u must have lost ten pounds since I left. And 4 a girl who was like ten pounds to start with that shows. You can´t live on snow only meine liebe. It felt like I would snap u right off when I hugged you.

She seemed unusually upbeat though.

- We r goin home to Avy tonight. She said.
- Who´s Avy? I asked.
- She loves plum wine almost as much as I do.
She answers, like that was all I needed to know.

Boys kissed. Girls Kissed. Miri kissed Avy and someone went home in an ambulance I think. I met a girl named Signe and she´s my new love. I did fuck a boy who was missing one tooth from a trip to alaska, but she´s my new love.

So I´m home. Or I really don´t have a home rightnow, but that´s when a Miri with an attic comes in handy.

.